Doncaster Rovers (H) - FA Cup - 2nd November 2024
I've only ever sat in the new Main Stand once. New? Yeah, I'm that old that I still consider it new. Let's just not think about whose regime it was built under. It was still only half-erected (oo-er) when Wigan tore us a new one back in the FA Cup '95/96. After a week on the graft with overtime, I thought I'd treat myself to a seat. And maybe watching the game from a new angle would give me a different perspective on our forward line. I'd see movement and link-up play previously obscured by the Holker Street fisherman's netting.
It wasn't to be. Some Beans business meant I had to assume the position in my regular haunt. But I'd bought a ticket for the Main Stand. What the hell is going to happen when I scan in on the Popular Side? A Crowdstrike-level glitch that paralyses the Holker Street infrastructure? Will no one be able to gain access to the ground? Will Bluey go into meltdown and start strangling the nearest supporter? Will the hospitality roast potato baguettes be even more disgusting than they already looked? As it turns out, no. I just paid a fiver more than I needed to. But it all goes in the coffers, so no sweat.
Quick scan round the ground and it looks a little sparse, and there's not a tin foil FA Cup to be seen. The photographers at pitch-side are outnumbering the supporters in the Steelworks End. It must have been the biggest collection of Leica lenses this side of National Geographic. Was something spectacular happening? Short answer, no. It might be the FA Cup, but the game quickly started to resemble a League game. Formulaic, like the Coldplay of football tactics.
The first sign that referee Dale Baines may have suffered some kind of head trauma as a child came on 18 minutes, when Ged Garner presumably swore in such a revoltingly vulgar way, he awarded a free kick to Doncaster and booked him. A two-footed t**t maybe? A deliberate c**t? Who knows.
25 minutes and Sterry has gone down with what looked like a nasty bun injury. His hair limps off the pitch and he heads for treatment from the Doncaster barber. Hopefully.
Mahoney is back and he's looking decent. Maybe a touch of class we need to unlock a defence. But he's drifting and dropping deeper. We win a corner, the ball rebounds back off the perimeter breeze blocks and rests in the goalmouth. "I'm not getting that," Jackson quips to a bemused-looking linesman. He doesn't. A Doncaster defender finally breaks under the pressure and kicks the ball in his general direction. It's badly misplaced and trundles into a throng of photographers who are littering the corner flag. "Great pass," heckles Jackson. We're getting a bit of comedy if not goals.
As the half goes on, the more the LSD is presumably taking effect on Baines. I wonder what the game he's hallucinating is like and if it's better than this one. He looks as out of place as John Lesley on an edition of Loose Women. Is this his first day out of The Royal Weston-Super-Mare Referee College?
Second half same as the first half. We're not playing badly; we don't look like a poor team. Something just isn't clicking. We could win this game as easily as we could lose it. We just need Baines to start coming down and a bit of luck. The scoreboard is working again. I think I might be getting a suntan from it. Is there no way of turning the brightness down on it like on an old 80s TV? I think that's 60 minutes, but I forgot to bring my Camera Obscura. Charlie Kirk comes on for his home debut to absolutely zero fanfare. Maybe an announcement would help - the little details matter.
We've had chances, but Donny are looking more likely, and it's not really a surprise when they take the lead on 82. Straightforward attack, straightforward shot, straightforward goal. Exactly what we look incapable of at the moment. At this point, we'd take a replay, right? Except we won't because they've been scrapped. Remember in April when every club from lofty Crawley Town to lowly Chipping Interjection FC of the Fairy Liquid Alliance League Division 2 issued a righteously indignant statement on social media criticising the decision? Fans from all levels venting spleen at the pure injustice. The FA Cup Replay spring. So where's the protest? Where are the banners, the boycotts, the burning oil drums? Maybe football fans are just too divided along club lines for any meaningful collective action. Or maybe a Tuesday night trip to Doncaster just isn't that appealing after all.
One more bit of excitement: Stanway pulls a reverse Feely and makes his way up for a corner. It all comes to nothing, of course. And we can CONCENTRATE ON THE LEAGUE
The magic of the cup has turned into a stilted rendition of the three rings trick by The Great Brian from Bolton on Britain’s Got Talent, at least for another season.
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