In the January cold and gloom it’s always tempting to think about sunnier times. A holiday somewhere, a day at the cricket or a sunburnt session in a beer garden – embrocation for the soul when you’re digging out the big coat to go somewhere like bloody Swindon.
Given the lifeless performance on the pitch in darkest Wiltshire thoughts turned to where it all went wrong for Stephen Clemence and his charges. I don’t want to appear wise after the event but I thought he was in trouble from the start.
There we sat in the Cross Bar at the Meet the Manager event being told matter of factly by our owners and soon-to-be CEO that we would be more attacking, more exciting and score more goals. Our new man, with his increased box entries at Gillingham was the guy to take us forward in a whirlwind of goals. Hmmm. To be fair to Clemence, he did try to say it wouldn’t be simple and would take time. But you don’t get time, not in League 2, with the ruinous consequences of relegation plain for all to see, and certainly not with one win in 15 games. I thought back in July he’d be gone by Christmas so credit to him for lasting past the January sales.
To be fair, we started well. High energy, attacking football. Pace. Intent. The goals perhaps didn’t come in the numbers we were hoping for but there were positive signs aplenty. The strong start maybe turned out to be a millstone. We could do it, we did do it so why couldn’t we carry on doing it? Holding Derby of the Championship and knocking them out on penalties, beating Port Vale and Crewe, winning at Grimsby were all big positives – the clart at Carlisle perhaps a more accurate indicator of what we were about. Even as form began to dip, we weren’t far away from something. We should have won at Bromley and got something at Chesterfield. We were on a par with a Walsall side who are streaking away with the league. And yet, as the ‘if only’s’ continued so did the decline in form, despite every week supposedly being a good one on the training ground.
Although he repeatedly talked them up in his interviews, I feel he was let down by his players. Crap decision making on the ball, switching off at crucial times, an inability to hit a cow’s arse with a ukulele orchestra, never mind a banjo. Some of these lads need to realise that in L2 you’re one bad season away from having to drive a van for a living. Having said that, with his much vaunted coaching ability, how many have progressed this season? Anyone? Rather, some have regressed and the ‘there could be a player there’ types like Acquah and Garner remain a frustration. If you survey our squad, how many would you be gutted about losing later this month or in the summer? I’m struggling to get past two or three.
Recruitment has been lacking. We didn’t add much in the way of quality over the summer, although in the interests of fairness we’ll exempt the January recruits from that. Vassell’s had a good season but is he an upgrade on George Ray? Not for me, Clive. Jackson and Kouyate have been ineffective since October. Mahoney has been deeply disappointing - and that’s summoning my deepest reserves of politeness. Dallas and Eccleston have already been returned to their owners, Popov may as well pop off back to Leicester. Charlie Kirk has been a waste of everyone’s time. Stanway did alright overall covering for Farman’s absence and with the—‘Couldfarmanhavedonebetterthereometer’ clocking up the hits then we might not be far off a changing of the guard in nets. Someone press F5 on the Barrow Index, please.
I’ve seen plenty of folk saying we had ‘no plan b’ – to which I’d say those people may as well save their money and go and feed the ducks on a Saturday. We’ve gone from 4-3-3 to wingbacks with two up top with various tweaks along the way. Even at Swindon he did change the formation during the game, unfortunately the players were unable to translate that into any meaningful progress. He shuffled the pack several times, unfortunately the pack contained too many jokers. In the end, it felt inevitable and even the more forgiving souls like me who didn’t call for his head weren’t surprised when the axe fell. Good luck to the bloke in future - he’s no Graham Heathcote (younger readers, ask your Dad).
Despite how the above might read, I’m not particularly irate at the moment. Lower mid table in L2 is our natural habitat – that we’re here without being in hock to the bank makes a nice change, if you look over our history. But if people make big promises and are happy to luxuriate in the attention of self-congratulatory articles telling us how clever we are then a dose of reality is fair enough, I reckon.
So where next? It’s tempting to go down the Gillingham route of appointing a wise old head to shepherd us through to safety and the end of the season. Lots of big contracts are expiring in May which affords the chance to reset and go again – we’re more Orange Juice than Marsh’s Sass right now, rip it up and start again etc - but we have to get there with L2 status assured.
Or do we already have our man identified, ready to settle seamlessly into ‘the model’, armed with the standard issue set of clichés you seemingly get on your FA courses these days.
Who I would I go for? No idea. Not my job is it? I’ll get behind them, whoever it is, but history both recent and long-term suggests we’ll be reconvening for another inquest sometime before the end of 25/26. See you there!
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